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How To Stop Seeking Validation from Social Media Likes And Follows?
Ask Dr. Rue

How To Stop Seeking Validation from Social Media Likes And Follows? 

I generally struggle to believe I have anyone in my corner. Whenever I see people who have long-standing successful platonic and romantic relationships I feel isolated from everything and everyone. I don’t know what it feels like to be in any kind of relationship in which both parties mutually give each other high priority. I think as a result of this, I have a tendency of seeking validation from likes and follows I get on social media. Naturally, I never get it. How can I address these issues?

– Solitary, Kingston

Hello Queen! Often, we find ourselves making a comparison to others based on our own feelings of not being good enough. Our self-esteem can manifest in different ways based on past experiences.

In some cases, we tend to use what appears “normal” in society to judge our worth. Trust your process; work on healing you and understand that you are amazing and do not need to use social media as a means of gaining validation. True validation has to come from within.

It is hard to not use others’ highlight reels to compare to our own realities; remember they’re just that–highlight reels. You, queen, can focus on your own healing from past traumas by processing, working on self-compassion, positive affirmations, finding out who you are outside of external channels, meditating, and channeling your own spiritual journey to improve self-love.

I can assure you, the closer you get to loving yourself, the more you’ll pull away from the facade of happiness by external needs. The more self-love you give you, the more you will heal. Trust.

When it’s your time, you will be rewarded abundantly with love and value in romantic and platonic ways. You’ll also be better sustained once you have realized your worth. If we only have external ways of feeling validated, when that external factor disappears, our perspective of our worth deteriorates. However, if fostered internally, you will have greater chances of being okay with or without someone/ things. Remember: we teach people how to love us based on how we love ourselves! Stay blessed Queen! You are enough!


Ask Dr. Rue is a weekly, anonymous advice column where your most vulnerable mental health + emotional wellness concerns are addressed. Do you have a question to ask or a situation to present, and wondering what Dr. Rue might have to say? Ask Dr. Rue here

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