As women of color, we already face many unfair disadvantages. Whether we are faced with discrimination, unfair wages, or looked up on as most inferior or vulnerable. The hardest challenge that comes with all our disadvantages is that we are not expected to be resilient. We are not expected to ignore our naysayers, overcome our obstacles, create a safe space; then go on to celebrate and be proud of ourselves.
I for one have found myself in way too many similar situations. I did not want to celebrate my wins/victories. I was mentally guilted, thinking that if I celebrated what I have accomplished, it would seem as if I am rubbing it in someone else’s face. Not only did I feel guilty, but I also didn’t want to offend anyone with my successes. For each success story that I had, that I was afraid to share, I was building a wall of pure negative emotions. I began to feel that everything I did went unnoticed and that I was not doing enough.
It is so important that we, as individuals, openly acknowledge our accomplishments and feel good doing so. Imagine the levels of euphoria (feel-good hormones) you will gift yourself. This will consequently improve your mood, your outlook on life, and overall, help you to feel better about yourself.
Celebrating Yourselves And Your Victories
Firstly, let us acknowledge every new task we take on and all obstacles that come along with each. Once we are able to acknowledge those, we can go on to track the progress of them, and eventually the outcome.
Have you ever worked so very hard to accomplish a task and when you had finally completed it, you were not sure what to do with yourself? You were not too keen to celebrate, or, you were afraid to celebrate for fear of being judged? You are certainly not alone.
The Black community has set foundations on being critical about women who bask in their accomplishments.
“Oh, she is too hype”
“She is not humble”
“She should be glad she even got the job.”
Such utterances often create the illusion that an individual should not be proud and celebrate what they have achieved. Let us start by neglecting this kind of mentality, so that we are able to overcome and avoid unnecessary emotional baggage. Emotional baggage when linked with not being able to openly celebrate your self can create the illusion of failure – the perception that despite doing all that you could do, and achieving the highest possible outcome, you feel dissatisfied. This will then lead us to display many negative attitudes, which includes but is not limited to self-doubt, low-self-esteem, and a visible lack in confidence.
Since we are now creating a new space for celebrating ourselves, once we have broken down those barriers we can step in to the new US.
What Is A Safe Space?
We look to a safe space in order to preserve our peace of mind. A state of mental and emotional calmness is one many persons ascribe to. Within this space, individuals will find they are better able to deal with situations as they arise. Making your safe space, a space to celebrate yourself will allow you to speak openly and guilt free about your life situations. This is made possible through mutual agreements and understandings from those who are within your safe space, or what is included in your safe space.
Introspection, is a great way to build a safe space consisting of just yourself. This allows you total control of what is being seen and heard. Because introspection allows you an in-depth examination of self, you are better able to assess what you are doing and what you will need to do.
“…As I sat on my bed, I cried for days at a time. It was always at nights. I would be completely fine all throughout the day. Perhaps a little optimistic too, but once the darkness of the night took over and I realized I was still all by myself in space and thought, I was overwhelmed!
I cried for hours in a night. I would want to sleep and unable to even close my eyes. And if I was able to even do so, it felt like a horrible nightmare. So, I CRIED and I cried some more, all while thinking, how I can make this better. With hopelessness by my bedside, doubts in my mind, fear at my feet, and anxiety in my fingertips, I decided to do more. I had to do more, the emotions I was facing had to be way worse than the outcome of, IF I tried. So, I sent out applications for jobs and I went for opportunities I wouldn’t normally go for. While, I was doing that, I began to acknowledge myself. I acknowledged what I had accomplished in 5 years. Over the past year. And within the past week. I soon realized, I felt better about my situation, and with that came “LUCK?” I guess, everything seemed to have suddenly fallen in place. And now I had a new beginning. To no longer be a victim of my circumstances.”
A Guide To The New Me?
Often we are faced with life changing circumstances. These circumstances will require us to transition from a lower self to a much higher self. It is important that with these changes we have a smooth and thoughtful transition in order to achieve maximum potential. One thing about New Beginnings is that it often, if not always, starts with you.
It is after you have created your own safe space, after you have done your introspection, and after you have decided you are done crying and carrying the unwanted emotional baggage. It is that new phase of life where you step into being something else other than what you have been. It may last forever or it may be for a brief time. While, going through this transition, it is a must that we acknowledge how we feel. Our emotions, our environments, and our overall wellness (mentally and physically). It is important that we talk it out or write it out within our safe space, so that we can be consciously aware of the new steps we are taking, as well as what we will no longer work for.
It is even more important that while we transition, we acknowledge and celebrate all our positive strides. This will ensure we avoid the unnecessary stressors that comes with change and have a more understanding and accepting attitude towards our new goals.
Writing for millennial women of color has given me that exact opportunity to change my outlook and I hope that, over time, I will be able to relate more to you, my readers and sisters of colour.
Check out some Black Girl Magic here!
Interesting Reads For Creating A Safe Space
https://www.successconsciousness.com/peace_mind.htm
https://www.philosophytalk.org/blog/two-concepts-safe-space
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