Yes, girl, we are going to talk about healthy boundaries! Boundaries are not discussed over brunch with bottomless mimosas. Depending on your perspective of them, it can be a weighty topic to discuss with others. The mention of boundaries leads to feelings of discomfort for some. Some people misconstrue the purpose of a boundary. A boundary is not a brick wall that we use to keep people out of our lives. They are rules that we use to maintain healthy relationships. They make us feel uneasy because we fear the outcome of setting boundaries with people.
Despite what you think about boundaries, instituting them will enhance your self-care and protect your mental and emotional wellness. Establishing healthy boundaries can send some people into a frenzy; while others are setting up boundaries like orange traffic cones. We must ask ourselves why the idea of setting boundaries makes us feel uncomfortable. Also, we must determine how to set boundaries with those we love. Truthfully, implementing boundaries with loved ones is much harder to do than you think, but it can be done.
Girl, You Can Tell Your Momma “No”!
Creating healthy boundaries with your family can be tricky. At times this is difficult to accomplish, especially with our parents. Many of us had parental or authoritative figures in our lives that did not inform us about boundaries. As adults, we allowed people to take advantage of us because we did not receive the lesson on boundaries within our formative years. Sometimes we are aware of the sacrifices our parents made for us to succeed in life, so we believe that whenever they make a request of us, we should automatically do it. Even though we may not want to do it, we cave in and do whatever our parents ask of us out of obligation.
Whenever you act of obligation, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. You should do things for your parents because you want too. For example, your mom asks you to come over for Sunday dinner, but you already made plans with your friends. So instead of canceling your plans, you can say, “No Mom, I can’t come over this Sunday.” It is difficult to put your foot down with your parents and tell them no. You feel a sense of guilt for saying no. Trust me; I have been down that road. However, when I finally got a backbone and said, “No,” I felt a sense of relief. Here is the kicker; I did not explain as to why I said no. Afterward, I thought, “Well, that wasn’t so bad after all.”
Sometimes we over-analyze our parents’ reactions to us saying no. We automatically assume that they may be problematic or make us feel guilty. Now, depending on your parents that may very well be their reaction but do not allow their attitudes to make you give in to their commands. Your parent may become angry or sad to manipulate you into doing whatever they asked of you. However, stand your ground and let them be mad. It is okay if they get mad, they will be just fine. Do not allow their energy to disturb you.
Girl, What About Your Friends?
You and your ride or die, A-1 Day 1, or bestie have been friends for years; however, you need boundaries with them too! I am sure there was a time or two when you did not feel like going out on a Friday night, but you went anyways. Most likely, you participated because you did not want your girls to think of you as the party pooper. So, you go out to party with your girls, they are having a marvelous time, and you are in the corner looking miserable. If you did that do not feel guilty for doing so, we have all taken one for the team. However, if you can tell your Mom no, then you most definitely can tell your friends no.
You can let them know, “Hey, I’m not feeling up to it.” Don’t be afraid to do what you want and do not be miserable at someone else’s expense. If you find yourself unable to say no, then you may need to ask yourself if you are a people-pleaser. We fail to implement boundaries when we have a people-pleasing personality because we say yes to everything. When we say yes to everything and everyone, we neglect ourselves, which is the opposite of self-care. Establishing boundaries is an act of self-care. We reap the benefits of setting boundaries, which include increased self-esteem, conserving emotional energy, more independence, and agency.
Girl, Bae, Isn’t Bae if Bae Doesn’t Respect your Boundaries!
Love, trust, commitment, and communication are all great things to have within a relationship. Boundaries, as well, can make it even better. It is possible to have a healthy relationship with boundaries. It is essential to inform your partner of your them in the early stages of dating. Be mindful not to allow the feelings of fear, guilt and self-doubt prevent you from implementing boundaries with your partner. Your partner will not be aware of your needs if you do not inform them of your boundaries.
Setting boundaries with your partner requires you to be self-aware and clear about what you will and will not accept. For example, if it offends you that your partner raises their voice during arguments, then you can say, “I love you, but I will not tolerate your verbal abuse during arguments.” If your partner continually crosses your boundaries, then sis, they do not respect you, and it is time to cut all ties. Matter of fact, I’ll hand you the scissors!
Setting Healthy Boundaries On The Journey To Your Best Self
Boundaries inform others of your self-respect. Setting boundaries will cause you to lose some loved ones. People become upset with you for setting boundaries because they are no longer able to control, manipulate, or mistreat you. Honestly, you do not want or need those type of people in your life anyway.
Boundaries will become that aid that you never knew you needed. Do not be afraid to set boundaries in fear of losing people. If they are unwilling to respect your boundaries, then let them go. You will be happier without them. Setting boundaries will improve your self-esteem and self-care. You will begin to put yourself first for once. On the bright side, you will have healthier relationships with people who love, respect, and accept you, boundaries and all. You need loving and respectful people within your tribe. Find your strength, start setting boundaries, and enjoy your inner circle.
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