How To Let Go Of A Relationship? He Already Let Go of You 

I messaged this guy that I really cared about to find out why he had been mad at me for the past couple days. Like a normal person, I had asked him what was wrong and his response to my question brought tears to my eyes and still haunts me in my sleep. The response was “lol, you’re sick”. Now, truth be told, I didn’t even understand what he had meant by it, but I was deeply hurt and I just deleted his chat and blocked him on all social media. As an obsessive overthinker, I spent the day replaying the response in my head and it got me thinking: “Obviously you are not as important to him as he is to you, so why is he still in your life?”. This prompted the conversation in my head “Why are you holding on to someone who has already let go of the relationship with you?”

Holding On Hurts More Than Letting Go

 I spent the day obsessing over this one thought “Why was it that I kept messaging this guy?” I’d love to tell you that this was the first time I was questioning my relationship with this guy, but every time he did something stupid, he would come back and be really sweet. I would then forgive him and we’d be back to square one. But this time had me feeling nauseous and uneasy. Why was I allowing myself to be treated worse than I deserved? What was I gaining from this relationship that made it so hard to leave? Like any introspection, I had to be willing to dissect the situation and get to the difficult emotions and thought processes surrounding this interaction. 

This man provided me no peace, he didn’t make me feel good about myself, and he was neither bright nor witty so I couldn’t say I enjoyed his conversations. Yet, for some reason, I was stuck there, and I needed to know why. I backtracked to how and when we met and examined my emotions from that time. Then it all started to make sense. My attachment to this person was based on how he had made me feel both special and desired at a time when I was finding it hard to love myself. 

So, rooted in that feeling, I kept coming back to a space that didn’t positively serve me and was very harmful to my wellbeing. If I’m being truthful, he was probably using me, and I was allowing it. By holding on to this deteriorating toxic relationship, I was hurting myself and giving someone reign over my emotional wellbeing and he was abusing it. So, I found myself often in tears because I was committed to a person who was committed to making me feel like less of a person. And there I was, clinging to him for dear life.

Don’t Hurt Yourself By Holding On: Let Go Of The Relationship

Now, analyzing this situation made me wonder what other toxic things I was holding on to in my life that have prevented me from growing and becoming a better woman. It won’t always be intimate relationships that are stunting your growth. Friends, family, jobs, religious affiliations, and even yourself can be hindrances to your ‘glow up’. Introspection will always be one of the most difficult things you have to do, but it is also one of the most important. The hard conversations are labeled as such because they are hard, but they are always worth having. 

If I hadn’t stopped and taken a step back from my situation, I might’ve still been in It to this day, dragging around a carcass of a relationship and poisoning myself with its toxic fumes in the process. It’s hard, don’t get me wrong, but it’s absolutely worth it! Ten out of ten, I would definitely recommend. One of the absolute worst things you can do for yourself is to allow someone’s debilitating behavior to continue once you’ve acknowledged it for what it is. If you don’t set the standards of how you want to be treated, they will set it for you, and it will not be one that serves you, trust. 

There’s a quote that says; “What you allow is what will continue.” And it is nothing but the truth; people learn how to treat you from the way you allow them to treat you. Because I had forgiven this guy a million and one times, he continued with his deprecating ways and felt comfortable enough to be disrespectful to me. If one day I had been more assertive and stood up for myself in a stronger capacity, I imagine the whole conversation would’ve been different. Instead, I decided to be a doormat and he treated me as such. 

Funny thing is, I don’t even blame him for how he behaved, because he doesn’t care for me. I should’ve cared enough for myself to discontinue the relationship and dissuade him from treating me as he did. This toxicity continued for years before I was strong enough to step away, and even now, I still have a soft spot for him. Yes, even though I would never allow myself back in that position. In the words of Beyoncé Knowles: “Don’t hurt yourself.” 

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