How To Uplift Someone With No Strings Attached 

All around me I see women doing their utmost best to support each other and themselves in every aspect of their lives. They are proudly assuming roles as feminists, becoming ‘lifestyle coaches’, wellness advisors, and so much more. This in itself is a magnificent achievement as women everywhere are trying their best to push past the boundaries, and overcome stereotypical expectations. They succeed to the best of their abilities, proving that we are more than our title as “women” but we are also invaluable beings deserving of a respectful place in society. Of course, uplifting one another is a wonderful habit, but so many of us simply have not learnt the right way to uplift.

What Are We Doing Wrong?

One thing that we have allowed to become the norm, whether we notice it or not, is the habit of putting one person down to uplift another. Have you ever received a compliment that was an insult to someone else at the same time? For example, “Wow! Your hair is so natural and beautiful! Keep it that way and don’t be like the women who cut her hair,” or, “You’re such a brilliant entrepreneur. People who have 9 to 5 jobs must feel so useless when they see you.” In these examples, we see the effort to encourage and uplift, unnecessarily accompanied by the disrespect, whether subtle or blatant, of other people and their decisions.

Many of us have managed to convince ourselves that we need to belittle a person or group and feed on their inferiority to make ourselves seem superior. We have conjured the theory that superiority cannot exist without inferiority — that we cannot possibly be happy without making someone else less happy, or more confident without trying to make someone else less confident. That theory is, without a doubt, illogical. 

In putting others down, we are simply demonstrating that we are so insecure that our self-love and self-value is dependent on, and threatened by, other individuals. In many cases, it is this mindset that fuels the incessant inequality around us, pushing racism, xenophobia, ageism, misandry or misogyny, and classism, among others. This is just because too many of us don’t know how to uplift without dragging down another person at the same time. Some of us may even put ourselves down to make others feel better about themselves. This may be due to the belief that it is absolutely necessary for someone to feel bad in exchange for another person to feel good. We fail to notice that we can simply uplift each other… no strings attached.

Learning to Uplift…Just Uplift

The word, ‘uplift’ is defined across different dictionaries as the lifting or raising up off something or someone or to contribute to the improvement of someone’s life. That’s it. Nothing else. It is simply and literally a matter of “lifting up” and that is what we must understand before we move to empower ourselves and others.

Here are some tips that will help us to uplift others the right way:

• Think before you speak. You may believe that you’re about to do some good, but you should really think through what you’re about to say. Take a few moments to sort through your words, make yourself aware of any negativity in the comments you are about to make and get rid of it. There may be negativity sprinkled in your attempts to encourage others. Just provide your upliftment and carry on with your day. Leave that person with a pep in their step because they received genuine encouragement, and walk away feeling much better after making somebody else feel good.

• Be sincere. Make sure that every comment you make is said willingly and truthfully. Don’t feel obligated to encourage anyone. If you have to force it, just don’t do it. Not saying anything at all would do less harm than saying something you don’t mean. You would also end up hurting or upsetting the person when they notice that you didn’t mean it or didn’t want to say it in the first place.

• Try to be selfless. Try to remember that you are empowering someone else and that this is for them and not for you. Do not try to curve all encouraging statements back to yourself and don’t try to hog all the attention. Allow them to shine and to feel good about it. For example, don’t give a double-sided compliment that’s really just for self-praise… “Your skin is so smooth. It’s almost as nice as mine, and it would be, if you used shea butter lotion too.” Turning this “upliftment” to yourself leaves room for avoidable jealousy, discomfort, and contempt to grow between you and the individual. Keep yourself out of it, let them enjoy the empowerment. You will be appreciated for it and, when the time comes, you will get your share of empowerment with the spotlight on you alone. Then, you will notice how wonderful it feels to simply receive encouragement without anyone else trying to dull your shine.

• Try your best to maintain a positive self-image. This will help prevent you from being so insecure that you become a toxic presence in other people’s lives, seeking validation from the insecurities of others. When you feel good and secure within yourself, you will see your own strength in its entirety and become confident enough to spread your confidence to others without needing any validation in return.

A little upliftment goes a long way. Everyone has experienced, or is experiencing, their fair share of difficulties in life. There’s no need to create competition and ranks based success, appearance, or anything else for that matter. It is also not necessary to see everyone as a risk to your personal growth. There is space for all of us to find a way to thrive together and everyone needs a little boost from someone else sometimes, even if it’s just a little. It goes a long way. 

Women, in particular, have so much to deal with on a day to day basis and the least we can do for each other is to offer support to the best of our abilities. Whether it’s a compliment about their outfit, commendation on their professional achievements, praising of their character, or giving sound advice, sincere efforts at encouragement and empowerment are sure to brighten anyone’s day(s) and add some light to their life. No one needs negativity in their lives. As we go through our days, we increasingly need more encouragement to keep going and to be the best version of ourselves, despite the challenges we face. So, let’s not make life harder than it is and let’s not drag others down under the guise of empowerment and upliftment. Let’s just lift each other up; that’s really all there is to it.

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